It’s weird to think about your reputation. It can feel uncomfortable to consider how others perceive you. Most of us are just trying to get through the week with some semblance of grace and accomplishment. One can successfully argue that what others think of you is not important. This is true in most contexts. At the same time, we’d like to know that our actions, decisions, and behaviors are having a positive impact on those around us. How others perceive us can actually impact the behavior of those we interact with. Don’t you want that impact to be helpful to others? Thinking about what you want to be known for can start to feel overwhelming, especially if you’re young. A reputation can start at any time, no matter your age, and it can (and should) change over time.
I know mine did. When I was five years old, I already knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be known as a talented fighter pilot and someone who served her country. As a frontline fighter pilot, I wanted to also be known for being a good squadron-mate, having integrity, and a contributor to the larger team. As a Thunderbird pilot I wanted to also be known as someone who inspired others to follow their dreams. As a squadron commander, I hoped to add compassion and caring for those in my charge, and their families. As a patient advocate, I wanted to help give voice to the voiceless. As a professional speaker, I hope to be known as someone who catalyzes others to action and self-reflection. As a wife and a mother, it’s to lead with love. At least this is what I think I’ve tried to do. Some descriptors are capabilities based, but most are character and values based.
So, how do you determine your priorities that guide your actions and shape how people come to understand you as a person?
Here’s where to start:
Establish your values – This is crucial. Knowing the values by which you want to live will help guide your actions. They will determine what you say yes to, what you say no to, and are the foundation of how you behave and treat others. Some people have service as a core value. I know I do. I want to be of service to my family, friends and to my country.
The value of service guides my actions and it’s the lens through which I made a lot of my decisions throughout my military career. Today, as a motivational speaker, I hope to be of service to all those I encounter. It’s not the only value that I have, but it’s a major player. You might consider kindness, honesty, compassion, integrity, loyalty, generosity or care as other values to live by.
Learn to compromise – This is an important skill and can help shape how people come to know you. This doesn’t mean constantly giving in, but it also means that you might not always get everything you want. Being able to work with people, and find common ground, is valuable. It’s a good idea to keep your values in mind as you engage in compromise and seek to understand others and their values.
Know that your priorities will shift – This is a natural part of the passage of time. I know I mentioned that when I was in elementary school, I knew I wanted to be a fighter pilot. That was a priority. However, my priorities also included never missing an episode of Who’s the Boss?, and a firm belief that MTV was the coolest thing ever. As I got older, my priorities changed. With each new stage of my life—college, my time with the Thunderbirds, flying in combat, leading a fighter squadron, when I got married and then when I had kids—I reevaluated my priorities. What didn’t change were the values that guided my actions. Sure, I’ve added values along the way and the hierarchy of values has understandably shifted at times according to where I’m at in life.
What do you want to be known for? Determining your priorities will help you establish a reputation that can positively impact and inspire those around you. It all starts with knowing your values and being able to compromise when appropriate. As your priorities shift, you can still maintain your sense of self and be known for living your core values.
